George,

Not if you gave them the garden shears treatment upon conviction. . .

Or the like the meme where the cat is about to do to his owner, what
he did to him. <G>

We all went through that phase. My worst for pop was one summer's day after wortkingin direct hot sun in a someone's garden for 14 houes, I
had 2 cans of coke from t he lady of the house, to cool off after,
then cycled home, stopping to bvuy a 26oz bottle, & chugging gthat straight down, like water, then got a big gulp in town (about halfway point) & chugged that as I pedaled the last 3 miles home. Got my
first ever case of heartburn (wickedly painful, until I burped, not
just long enough to say the alphabet, but I couyld've recited every
psalm from beginning to end in the time it took to relieve the
pressure!

Ree-ogg-me-nogg!! <G>

It's as bad as using hackneyed sports cliches. . .

Yeah, Billy, your grandfather passed on. . ." is how they'd say it. .

Why not, "Grandpa went long. . .& never came back."?

Really.

Just say "dead" it avoids so many problems! (like Terry Swciavo -- she wasn't in a "Persistent vegetative state"; she was "dead." Just say "dead."

In the Associated Press Style Book (journalism) it says "just say 'died'".
It also notes that "the term 'funeral service' is redundant'".

Best way to contact a dead Italian..... .....use a Luigi Board.

Something to pasta the time with.

Q: What do you do with dead chemists? A: You barium.

Only if they're your enema.

Roses are dead, Violets are black
I'm a lousy gardener. (& poet)

The difference between prose and poetry is that prose doesn't rhyme,
but poetry does.

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus".
"Men like cars. Women like..."

Well, what do you want?? Prose or Poetry?? <G>

Daryl

... He does the work of 3 Men...Moe, Larry, and Curly.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George,

TMI, my friend!

I'm sure I'm not the only person who deals with that on occasion.

I take medicine usually for gout, as my latest kidney stone type arte
uric acid-based. (living too well, thus eating more meat); trying to
stick to exactly 4oz servings now (weighed out to 120g); seems to be
helping. . .

Ever since I gave up carbonated beverages, I haven't had a single stone.

I cut them out long ago! I only dranbk then wheb I was doing 12-hour shift work, as one rapidly drunk Coke did more to wake me up than the speed with which I could ingest caffeine via coffee.

I got that message at 2am, your time & again at 10am your time --
seemed an awful long time to say I'm getting too near 5am?

There was a system glitch with the time...and there's another one where
the system won't busy itself out for nightly maintenance at 12 midnight,
so the doors can be processed. So, I have to manually down the nodes, until maintenance is done.

"Feces occurs" is a maxim in every field.

Seems it would've been far cheaper to have a housecall doctor come see
you instead!

Very few physicians, nurses, do house calls anymore.

I've found a housecall doctor or two in every city with an intewrnational airport in the USA. I believe LR has such?

I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked
for them to send someone round! Turns out they+ve got tons of them!

A balanced diet -- balanced in the belly and in the buttocks. <G>

The 3 Bs of Feminine Beauty: Boobs, Belly, & Butt (or is that 4?)

Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool... This is not a
drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!

Those are the 5 most feared words of an emergency communications
operator. That was also what was sent right after the Japanese bombed
Pearl Harbor just over 80 years ago.

not a drill is bad, to, when you asked for a fleeping HAMMER!

STOP!
Drill Time! (nope; could never have become the hit for MC that "Hammer Time" was. . .)

Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy
club than the emergency room. You just pay the cover charge and
they'll have you in stitches.

The comedy can bleed you dry...because you peed on yourself.

I do try to avoid that one. I've slowly built up new muscles tyo control my uyrethras farther up (as I often get a sharp jagged stone shard lodged at the main point of squeezing off the flow, & when I squeeze, AIIIII,. pain like nothing else! & the urethra automatically spasms wide open! So I've had to find & exercise muscles further up the pipe, to control flow in such a situation.

I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency... I can teach
people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Never assume...besides, "OOPS!!" is NOT a valid response.

It might well be a COMMON response,but you're never allowed to be awake during surgeries to witness it!

Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds. Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

Nothing spoils a good story
like the arrival of an eyewitness.

Neighbours testified they heard 3 gunshots Well, yeah, one for the murder, & 2 more to clear out the obvious eyewitnesses.

Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).
The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldnÆt bother question 8DÆs children about what they saw, since theyÆre too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9DÆs kids will remember.
--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

I cut them out long ago! I only dranbk then wheb I was doing 12-hour
shift work, as one rapidly drunk Coke did more to wake me up than the speed with which I could ingest caffeine via coffee.

Since I cut out the soda and the caffeine, I haven't had kidney stones,
and my heart rate has stabilized. Those "energy drinks" are worse than caffeine.

"Feces occurs" is a maxim in every field.

I said that to a co-worker one day years ago...and she looked at me with
the deer in the headlights look. When I translated it, she roared with laughter, and said "I'm going to tell my sister!!". The next morning, she
came in, and I asked her if she had told her sister. Grinning wildly, she
said "yes", and when I asked "same reaction?", she said "yes". <G>

She lost her first husband to colon cancer, but remarried too soon after that...I don't the marriage lasted 2 months. I don't know whatever happened
to her, as she resigned from there long before I did.

I've found a housecall doctor or two in every city with an
intewrnational airport in the USA. I believe LR has such?

Not that I know. I did have a nurse from my HMO come by for a physical
exam and interview this past September.

The 3 Bs of Feminine Beauty: Boobs, Belly, & Butt (or is that 4?)

Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. <G>

not a drill is bad, to, when you asked for a fleeping HAMMER!

Really.

I do try to avoid that one. I've slowly built up new muscles tyo
control my uyrethras farther up (as I often get a sharp jagged stone shard lodged at the main point of squeezing off the flow, & when I squeeze, AIIIII,. pain like nothing else! & the urethra automatically spasms wide open! So I've had to find & exercise muscles further up
the pipe, to control flow in such a situation.

Incontinence on both sides is a bear. Ever since I quit drinking soda
or carbonated beverages, I haven't had a single stone.

It might well be a COMMON response,but you're never allowed to be awake during surgeries to witness it!

Or the guy who wakes up in the morgue, and wonders "If I'm alive, what am
I doing here?? And, if I'm dead, how come I have to go to the bathroom??".

Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds. Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

Nice spoonerism pun.

Nothing spoils a good story
like the arrival of an eyewitness.

Eyewitnesses were on the scene in minutes.

Neighbours testified they heard 3 gunshots Well, yeah, one for the
murder, & 2 more to clear out the obvious eyewitnesses.

That's about it.

Daryl

... Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance??
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George,

They're not ALL dirty. . .

Little Johnny complains to mom at home, "Mom, our teacher really
doesn't know anything. He keeps asking us!".

Very astute young man. <G>

"And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. "Come
on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"

That's something positive.

Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square. The mayor sees
him and asks, "Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?"

"I'm taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant," answers
Johnny.

The mayor is shocked, "Surely your father had better be doing that?"

Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, "Nah, I
think it's really best left with the bulls."

Maybe he's having one...he probably worked hard to become de-calfinated.

Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
"Because I helped her."
But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
"I helped her eat her gummy bears."

They wanted me to do a good deed, so I let her take my injection.

"So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?"
--"I don't really want to talk about it mom. You'll see it later on the news, anyways."

Oh, boy!!

Daryl

... Tagline Lotto: Scratch Off For Your Prize: ***************
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

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