• Re: New BBS Disclaimer

    From Daryl Stout@1:2320/33 to George Pope on Fri Dec 31 22:10:00 2021
    George,

    I cut them out long ago! I only dranbk then wheb I was doing 12-hour
    shift work, as one rapidly drunk Coke did more to wake me up than the speed with which I could ingest caffeine via coffee.

    Since I cut out the soda and the caffeine, I haven't had kidney stones,
    and my heart rate has stabilized. Those "energy drinks" are worse than caffeine.

    "Feces occurs" is a maxim in every field.

    I said that to a co-worker one day years ago...and she looked at me with
    the deer in the headlights look. When I translated it, she roared with laughter, and said "I'm going to tell my sister!!". The next morning, she
    came in, and I asked her if she had told her sister. Grinning wildly, she
    said "yes", and when I asked "same reaction?", she said "yes". <G>

    She lost her first husband to colon cancer, but remarried too soon after that...I don't the marriage lasted 2 months. I don't know whatever happened
    to her, as she resigned from there long before I did.

    I've found a housecall doctor or two in every city with an
    intewrnational airport in the USA. I believe LR has such?

    Not that I know. I did have a nurse from my HMO come by for a physical
    exam and interview this past September.

    The 3 Bs of Feminine Beauty: Boobs, Belly, & Butt (or is that 4?)

    Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. <G>

    not a drill is bad, to, when you asked for a fleeping HAMMER!

    Really.

    I do try to avoid that one. I've slowly built up new muscles tyo
    control my uyrethras farther up (as I often get a sharp jagged stone shard lodged at the main point of squeezing off the flow, & when I squeeze, AIIIII,. pain like nothing else! & the urethra automatically spasms wide open! So I've had to find & exercise muscles further up
    the pipe, to control flow in such a situation.

    Incontinence on both sides is a bear. Ever since I quit drinking soda
    or carbonated beverages, I haven't had a single stone.

    It might well be a COMMON response,but you're never allowed to be awake during surgeries to witness it!

    Or the guy who wakes up in the morgue, and wonders "If I'm alive, what am
    I doing here?? And, if I'm dead, how come I have to go to the bathroom??".

    Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds. Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

    Nice spoonerism pun.

    Nothing spoils a good story
    like the arrival of an eyewitness.

    Eyewitnesses were on the scene in minutes.

    Neighbours testified they heard 3 gunshots Well, yeah, one for the
    murder, & 2 more to clear out the obvious eyewitnesses.

    That's about it.

    Daryl

    ... Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance??
    === MultiMail/Win v0.52
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:2320/33 to George Pope on Mon Jan 10 09:56:00 2022
    George,

    They're not ALL dirty. . .

    Little Johnny complains to mom at home, "Mom, our teacher really
    doesn't know anything. He keeps asking us!".

    Very astute young man. <G>

    "And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. "Come
    on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"

    That's something positive.

    Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square. The mayor sees
    him and asks, "Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?"

    "I'm taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant," answers
    Johnny.

    The mayor is shocked, "Surely your father had better be doing that?"

    Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, "Nah, I
    think it's really best left with the bulls."

    Maybe he's having one...he probably worked hard to become de-calfinated.

    Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
    "Because I helped her."
    But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
    "I helped her eat her gummy bears."

    They wanted me to do a good deed, so I let her take my injection.

    "So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?"
    --"I don't really want to talk about it mom. You'll see it later on the news, anyways."

    Oh, boy!!

    Daryl

    ... Tagline Lotto: Scratch Off For Your Prize: ***************
    === MultiMail/Win v0.52
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:2320/33 to All on Fri Feb 4 00:04:51 2022
    ......... as a public service for all harried sysops, is a
    standard disclaimer form, much like the "fine print" at the
    bottom of an automobile commercial:

    This BBS is an "as-is" service. Neither the sysops, the school
    district, the Pope, Rush Limbaugh, or God HIMSELF will be held liable if
    the BBS does any of the following: Crashes, shuts down with or without
    warning, decides it doesn't like you, smokes profusely, makes that
    "chk-chk" noise like a broken washing machine, shoots sparks, causes a
    total nuclear holocaust, spins around several times and vomits pea soup,
    gives off "Bad Vibes," plays "Daisy" repeatedly, steals your boyfriend/girlfriend, falls in love with and begins humping your floppy
    disk drive, or spontaneously combusts.

    Do not operate heavy machinery after using this BBS. This BBS may
    cause drowsiness, dizziness, heart palpitations, shortness of breath,
    angina, temporary blindness, loss of consciousness, seizures, skin
    rashes, nausea, vomiting, the involuntary playing of Elvis songs,
    bloating, water retention, and/or spontaneous transformation into small woodland forest creatures. We are not responsible for emotional damage resulting from use of this BBS. Repeated and prolonged usage may cause paranoia, confusion, feelings of despair or ebullience, or a "Bad Hair
    Day." This BBS contains no user serviceable parts; see licensed
    technician before removing cover or striking. No lifeguard on duty.

    For children under 12, give half usual dosage. May be habit forming.
    No refunds or exchanges. Failure to follow appropriate safety
    precautions can and may result in mutilation or death. Contents under
    extreme pressure; do not puncture or incinerate this BBS. Void where prohibited. State and local taxes may apply. Avoid contact with eyes or
    mucous membranes. Not responsible for demonic possession and/or control
    of users.

    Read all instructions before using this BBS. This service not
    available in all areas. This BBS is not a bank or insured by the FDIC.
    If skin rash or other irritation develops, discontinue usage and contact
    your physician immediately. Do not use this BBS while bathing. For
    EXTERNAL use only. Not responsible for lost or misplaced mail or other
    personal items.

    Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
    No warranties are either express, or implied. Do not use this BBS under
    the influence of mind-altering drugs and/or alcohol unless those
    substances have already kicked in. For best results, time your
    medications properly. Not responsible for psychiatric care needed as a
    result of using this BBS. In case of accidental ingestion, do not
    induce vomiting.

    Not responsible for incidental or consequential damages, or for acts
    of God. It is illegal in some states to use this BBS while sleeping.
    Temporary insanity may result from the use/misuse of this BBS. The
    Supreme Court has ruled that using this BBS while performing surgery may
    be a violation of Federal Laws and restrictions.

    This disclaimer is not valid in Borneo, Outer Mongolia, on any day
    ending in "Y" of months which do not end in "R," and within five miles
    of the lower Volga River. Void where applicable by law. Do not fold,
    spindle or mutilate. Try not to step on the cracks. Avoid overdusting.
    DO NOT IMMERSE IN WATER!
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)