WRONG TARGET
It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first
shot. "Good news and bad news," my instructor said. "The good news: You got a bull's eye." Before my head could swell too much, he added, "But it was in somebody else's target." --Gene Newman

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MILITARY LESSON: NEVER VOLUNTEER
During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had "artistic" abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian
life, I raised my hand. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass... except me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldier's name onto his Army-issued underwear. Steven Silver, Scarsdale, New York

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THE DEADLIEST JOB IN WWII
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?" Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook." Marian Babula, Penn Run, Pennsylvania

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PAPA BEAR
My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears -- one in a
UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. "That's Daddy." Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?" Submitted by Robin Yedlock

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BABY'S FIRST ARMY ROLL CALL
During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant
got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silent--eyebrows arched, brain overloaded. After a long pause, he thundered, "The alphabet?!" John DiFeliciantonio, Ventnor City, New Jersey

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--- Binbrook, ON: Clear +5C, UV Index: 1
* Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (1:229/664)

MILITARY LESSON: NEVER VOLUNTEER
During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had "artistic" abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass... except me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldier's name onto his Army-issued underwear. Steven Silver, Scarsdale, New York
(C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved

Like they say in the military: NEVER volunteer for anything.

I also heard it was like this:

Why run when you can walk?
Why walk when you can just stand still? Why stand when you can sit?
Why sit when you can lie down?
Why just lie there when you can sleep?

I heard it as for the army, but I think it can validly apply to any branch of the service.

Also heard it as:
Never pass up an opportunity to eat, or to sleep, as you never know when the next chance will come.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

THE DEADLIEST JOB IN WWII
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?" Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook." Marian Babula, Penn Run, Pennsylvania
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Every American soldier injured in combat gets a Purple Heart medal? What a pile of crap! My dad was injured during the Viet Nam war, in combat & never got a medal!

(Why not?)

I think maybe because he was fighting as part of the Viet Cong army?

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
When our ship stopped in the Atlantic Ocean for a "swim call," the chief boatswain noticed how nervous I was. "Don't worry," he assured me. "You are never more than three miles from land." Then he added, "Straight down." --Robert McPaul, Millsboro, Delaware

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PREGNANT WITH DOUBT
When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not
participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. The sergeant's reply: "Completely, sir."

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DEPLOYMENT
When the Air Force deployed me overseas, my daughter's friend asked her where I was headed.
"Guantanamo Bay," my daughter said.
"Oh, my God!" her friend shrieked. "What did he do?"

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SERVED IN BALTIMORE
My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. "I served in Japan," said Uncle Sid. "I served in Korea," said Uncle Jerry. "Baltimore," said Dad. "Keeping it safe for democracy." --Lori Shandle-Fox

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SETTING UP A BRIGADE
My brother and I arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, our
unit was dragged out of bed by our drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"
My six-foot-three, 280-pound brother raised his hand and said, "Yes, sir, I do."
Our sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now, is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?"

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--- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +2C, UV Index: 1
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SETTING UP A BRIGADE
My brother and I arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, our unit was dragged out of bed by our drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"
My six-foot-three, 280-pound brother raised his hand and said, "Yes, sir, I do."
Our sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now, is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?"

The sergeant noticed a new recruit & asked him, "Wjhat is your name, private?"

"Sir, it's John, sir," answered the boot.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!! WE ARE NOT AT A TEA PARTY. WE GO BY LAST NAMES ONLY -- OVER THERE IS JOHNSON, & THEN SMITH, ROBERTSON, & BAKER."

I say, "Attention, Baker," & Baker stands to attention.

Now I ask you again, soldier, what is your full name?"

"It's John Daring, sir," answered John.

"Okay, John," replied the sergeant, "What I want you to do is. . ."


--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

AIR FORCE TRUISMS
"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you." "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire." "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers." "Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

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SGT. NIMROD
I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, "Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard." The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Gary Toohard. G. C., via mail

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WHAT REALLY MATTERS
Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been
canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

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--- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +10C, UV Index: 1
* Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (1:229/664)

PAPA BEAR
My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears -- one in a
UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. "That's Daddy." Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?" Submitted by Robin Yedlock

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--- Binbrook, ON: Clear +10C, UV Index: 1
* Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (1:229/664)

STANDING VIOLATION
Sign above the toilet in a women's latrine at Camp Ripley in Minnesota: "If you are reading this sign while using this latrine, you are in the wrong
one." Mike Lins, Savage, Minnesota

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--- Binbrook, ON: Clear +7C, UV Index: 1
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UNCLEAN
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home one evening to tell me he would be late. "Dirty magazines were
discovered in the platoon quarters," he said, "and the whole squad is being disciplined."
I launched into a tirade, arguing that Marines should not be penalized for something so trivial.
My husband interrupted. "Honey, when I said 'dirty magazines,' I meant the clips from their rifles hadn't been cleaned."

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BAND OR OFFICER
While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I
attended a nearby wedding. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officer's dress blue uniform. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. He then made his way to my side. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, "The band entrance is that way." --Gordon Van Otteren

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DOING WHAT YOU ARE TOLD
The colonel who served as inspector general in our command paid particular attention to how personnel wore their uniforms. On one occasion he spotted a junior airman with a violation. "Airman," he bellowed, "what do you do when a shirt pocket is unbuttoned?"
The startled airman replied, "Button it, sir!"
The colonel looked him in the eye and said, "Well?"
At that, the airman nervously reached over and buttoned the colonel's shirt pocket.

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--- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +4C, UV Index: 1
* Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (1:229/664)

WHAT REALLY MATTERS
Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been
canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

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--- Binbrook, ON: Clear -1C, UV Index: 1
* Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (1:229/664)

NO SMOKING
I was in our local VA hospital when a clerk began scolding a veteran who'd
lit up a cigarette in a no-smoking area. "Sir!" she barked. "When did you start smoking?"

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--- Binbrook, ON: Clear -1C, UV Index: 1
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NO-SENSE SENSOR
A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. "Do you know where the sensor is located?" my coworker asked. "Of course," he responded. "It's where we park the helicopters." Angelo Giordano, Bellevue, Nebraska

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--- Binbrook, ON: Clear -0C, UV Index: 1
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NO-SENSE SENSOR
A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. "Do you know where the sensor is located?" my coworker asked. "Of course," he responded. "It's where we park the helicopters." Angelo Giordano, Bellevue, Nebraska

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--- Binbrook, ON: Clear +5C, UV Index: 1
* Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (1:229/664)

SGT. NIMROD
I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, "Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard." The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Gary Toohard. G. C., via mail

That's like the new sergeant, reading from the roll call list his corporal had given him; he was going through, one by one, getting the chorus of "Here, Sir." as expected, one at a time, until he got tot he last name on the page, & he repeated "Sibak?" getting angrier & angrier that one of his privates should not have showed up.

Finally his corporal came up to him, flipped the page for him, & the sarge was able to finish roll call with hardly a titter in front of him. (they weren't stupid, these new grunts)

Bonus topical punny because I can:

Drill Sergeant: I didnÆt see you at the camouflage drill today Soldier: Sir! Thank You, Sir!

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

WHAT REALLY MATTERS
Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

It's not "retreating," it's advancing after a company About Face!

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

UNCLEAN
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home one evening to tell me he would be late. "Dirty magazines were discovered in the platoon quarters," he said, "and the whole squad is being disciplined."

Hopefully the magazines weren't S&M, B&D themed!)

Playboy are coming out with a new magazine, especially for married men. Every month it's exactly the same woman.

old news item:
A group of monks started a business outside the playboy mansion.

They opened up a stand selling flowers, but Heff called the 5-0 and got them shut down. They said they would've gotten away with it anywhere else.. But I guess only Hugh can stop florist friars.




--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

Drill Sergeant: I didnÆt see you at the camouflage drill today Soldier: Sir! Thank You, Sir!

If I EVER called my Sgt "sir" I got a SERIOUS ass chewing. Only Officers are called sir. Non-coms are addressed by their rank, because THEY work for a living. :)

--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A47 2021/09/29 (Windows/64)
* Origin: Legends of Yesteryear (furmenservices.net:23322) (1:123/256)

Drill Sergeant: I didnÆt see you at the camouflage drill today Soldier:
Sir! Thank You, Sir!

If I EVER called my Sgt "sir" I got a SERIOUS ass chewing. Only Officers are called sir. Non-coms are addressed by their rank, because THEY work for a living. :)

Don't well-trained soldiers call EVERYBODY Sir & Ma'am?

I've noticed they use the terms in civilian life quite readily.

People call me sir & I look around & ask, "Do you see a fleeping horse or suit of armour? I'm just a working joe. . ."

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)